Little Isis

Is it wrong that I absolutely and unequivocally want to have sweaty, wild jungle sex with Lady Gaga? She turns me oooonnnnn.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers for my friend Matty. He's doing a lot better, and he is in much better spirits. 

Also, my Grandma came back from Rehab and she is doing better, I guess. She is not cooperating with her physical therapy very well, but eh. That is my Grandma for you. 

In other news, I read The Secret, which I really enjoyed. It was all about the universal law of attraction and how thinking positively can help you achieve your goals. Life isn't always fair, but the Universe is! She never fails us. That is THE SECRET, that everyone is yammering about. It wasn't anything I didn't know, but the author puts it in a great context that is motivational and easy for anyone to understand.



Ugh. I go back to school Monday. So much for having a good summer.

 My mom and I were cuddling with my kitty the other day ("together time." She insisted.) on my Grannie's bed and we started talking about who we look like in our family. We decided that my oldest brother, Matt, looks a lot like my mom. I told mom that I thought Matt and Bonnie look more like her side of the family and that me and my brother Paul both look more like my Dad's side of the family. People have always said I look like my dad, but they say I look a lot like my sister, Bonnie, too. Mom says it is because both my sister and I have her round, slashing cheekbones and cleft chin. I have my dad's lips, she said. But I have her eyes, which are brown and almond shaped. My hair is brown, like hers, but it's curly, like my dad's. And, she added, "you have your Dad's old nose."

My dad originally had big dumbo ears and a prominent nose with a bump along the ridge. But a few months after I was born, my mom  said he came home one night with bandages on his nose and his ears. He had went and gone under the knife and gotten his ears sewn back and a nose job.

Of course, the son of a bitch left me with his ugly ass nose. And I call bull shit when people say I should just keep my nose the way it is. Fuck that! They try to be nice and say, "Oh, but your nose has, er, character."

Why not you just come out and say it? "Damn, girl! You have a damned ugly nose!" Because that is what that really means. Character, my ass! I have a hideous nose that looks huge on Camera. That is just a fact. And in a few years, I am getting a fucking nose job. That is that. When I can afford it, that's what's going to happen. End of story.

So I add that to the list of minor surgeries I plan on getting, which includes:

1. Getting my teeth capped. I have always had ridged teeth, and the fact that my two front teeth are bigger than the rest doesn't help. It makes me look like a little girl.

2. Laser Hair removal surgery. Shaving is time consuming and I am neurotic.

3. Lasic eye surgery. It actually saves money in the long run, because every year you don't have to keep spending close to six hundred fucking dollars on eye doctor visits, glasses, and contacts.

And for the record, I also plan on getting five tattoos and a bellybutton ring and a nose stud. I don't care how much ammo it gives my mom and her church buddies.

Besides, it will make for good jokes at parties, and when I have my own talk show, I can have a weekly segment about tracking down pictures of my old nose. Someone can hold my Co host (Steffy or Regency) for ransom, saying they have pictures of my old nose that they will release to the public unless I pay up. It would be amusing.

In other news, with mild exercise I have lost several pounds on my new no-junk-food Pescitarian diet. I have to tan more, but I now have a CHB (Certified Hot Body.) And yes, I am bragging. In fact, I am bragging relentlessly. I all ready had a brag fest on facebook. Deal with it. You give up steak, cheeseburgers, and hot dogs cold turkey and see how humble you are, suckahs!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Last month, my Grandma had a fall and fractured her shoulder and her hip. She's been in rehab ever since, and I've been much busier than usual for summer because of it, which is why I haven't posted in so long. It's a pity too, because there has been a lot going on to post on, but I digress.

Anyway, the reason I am posting now is because of this crazy ass dream I had last night! I normally don't remember my dreams at all, and when I do, they tend to slip away pretty fast. I can all ready feel this one fading, which is why I have to write it down.

This dream felt important, and I very rarely have important dreams, and if i do I can never remember them. Most of my other dreams are either sexual or ridiculous, and I forget them when I wake up also. The last REALLY important dream I had was the one where I fell in love with a half demon boy that I trapped inside a Grimoire, and at the end of that dream I ended up committing suicide. (For some reason my dreams always involve demons, which could be because of my previous involvement with otherkin...)

Anyway, last night's dream was very disturbing. In fact, it was more of a nightmare than a dream. I'll tell you what happened:

So, my fourteen-year-old cousin Rachel was in this dream. (She was adopted from China by my Aunt and Uncle and she is Jewish and  really smart.) But in the dream, we weren't in Ohio anymore. Also, we were both much older. My bestie was a mention in my dream, but she was not actually IN IT, per say. I think she was on a vacation or something at the beginning of it. Maybe visiting her parents in Croatia?

Anyway, as I said, Rachel and I were both much older. I was almost twenty two in the dream and I had all ready left Ohio. My cousin Rachel was visiting me or something, and she was around sixteen or seventeen. Anyway, in the neighborhood I lived in (I don't know what state I was in... Massachusetts or something like that.) there was this mansion that no one would go near. It looked like a nice, normal everyday mansion, but rumor was that unspeakable horror lay within it's walls. Rachel and I were both curious, and my natural instinct was to think that it was haunted. I told Rachel that we might be able to preform an exorcism on it, so we started asking around town for more information. Most people wouldn't even talk about it, as though it was some kind of taboo. But we did meet one person who was brave enough to mention that a family had lived in it once, though they hadn't been seen for twenty years or something like that.

So Rachel and I went to the mansion, and from that point on things got a little blurry in my dream, but I do remember enough to fit all of the pieces together. In my dream, we knocked on the doorbell and no one answered, so we let ourselves in. From that point on, I remember we were, I dunno, captured or something, by the mansion's residents.

It turned out that the family that hadn't been seen for twenty years was still in the Mansion. They had been possessed by bad spirits or something, and since then they had been kidnapping, I suppose, people who had souls without sin, or people with pure hearts or something like that, and murdering them brutally. In the mansion there were limbs hanging everywhere, body parts, organs, et cetera. It was extremely disturbing and disgusting. However, if the people they captured were under the age of twenty one, they would be kept there as prisoners until their twenty first birthday, when they no longer had "the innocence of youth," and murdered then.

I suppose "murder" is the wrong word for it. More like "sacrifice." It turned out that the Mansion had been built on top of the portal to the underworld, and the family that moved in were bad people, which is why they were so easily possessed by the spirits. So the possessed Family would offer the pure souls as a sacrifice to the Underworld, so in exchange, their souls would not be trapped in there forever.

The souls they sacrificed, however, were trapped there forever, and they were used to appease the bad spirits there. The Underworld was not originally a bad place, and had once been ruled by the Fairy Queen, Lilith, until about five thousand years ago, when it was taken over by the bad spirits that resulted in the failures of humankind.

So when Rachel and I were captured, it was by the mother in the family, I don't remember what her name was. "Roberta" or something like that, and she was terribly evil. I tried to save Rachel, but she was thrown in the mansion's basement with the rest of the young prisoners. I was twenty one, and I remember screaming for her, but Roberta announced that I would be put in "The Alter Room" until Sunrise, when I would be taken to be sacrificed, EG: murdered, since I was twenty one, and Rachel would have to wait five years in the basement until she would suffer the same fate.

I don't remember much of what happened next in the dream, but supposedly the youngest child in the family decided to help me. She hadn't been evil, like the rest of her family, at the time of the possession, but she had been partially possessed because of her association with her other family members.

She could, however, see reason, and I had recognized that when she came into the alter room to give me something to eat. I got her to sit down and talk with me and managed to somehow have a conversation with her where I would use certain words that caused the spirits inside of her to become uneasy. I remember in the dream I would sometimes be talking to her, and sometimes to the spirits, who were all very violent and called me things like "whore" and "sow" and so forth.

I felt clever enough to trick the spirits somehow and managed to confuse them long enough to tell the girl that she was a human being who deserved love, like anyone else. That staved them off long enough to convince the girl to help me escape.

So when she got me outside of the mansion, I ran like hell and left town. I moved to the other side of the state I was in, and told only my Bestie what had happened inside the "Horror House" Mansion. My Aunt and Uncle were all ready dead for some reason, so they wouldn't have the agony of missing their daughter, but I grieved because I had left Rachel behind. I could only hope that one day she would be resourceful enough to escape, like I had.

So several years passed, and I found myself with a husband, young children, and a career. I soon learned that I was the only person who had ever escaped from the Mansion, even though I tried to never think about what had occurred in there.

However, because I had escaped, I had a kind of "mark" on me. One day, my husband and children were kidnapped, and I desperately tried to find them with the police for a few days until I realized where they were. I went back to the mansion, and for some reason the family didn't try to capture me this time. I confronted them and demanded to know where they had taken my hubby and my kids.

They told me that they had been taken into the Underworld, and the only way I could get them back was to go there and get them myself. I knew they were probably setting me up for something, but I let them take me to the portal where I would be able to reach the underworld.

Now, as an aside, I don't actually believe in Demons or Hell: just bad spirits. But in this dream, the Underworld looked pretty cheesy. Kind of like the Fire Temple in the Video Game The Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time. It turned out that the family had taken my loved ones as bait to lure me into the Underworld where "The King of all Bad Spirits" wanted me. He needed me because of the "mark" I had on me after escaping the mansion. Supposedly, because I had escaped by offering my oppressor, the youngest child in the family, love, his reign in the Underworld was threatened and the Fairy Queen, Lilith, was planning a rebellion with her army of "others." (fairies, elves, dragons, et cetera.)

The Demon King looked like your standard cheesy horns-and pitch fork type and he explained to me that the only way he would be able to defeat the Fairy Queen would be to use me. So he BECAME me. I mean to say, he sort of possessed me. It would throw the Fairy Queen off and she wouldn't be able to overthrow him.

So I was possessed, and there was nothing I could do about it. I had remembered how I tricked the Spirits inside the girl who helped me escape, so I tried to get rid of the Demon King that way. I told him I wasn't afraid of him, that he didn't scare me. He was a coward who only overthrew the fairy queen, who was actually his mother, because of his own insecurities. But he was the King of Demons, and while he faltered, he was the biggest and the baddest, and my tactics didn't work.

So I despaired. I would be trapped here in the Underworld forever. I would never be able to snuggle and kiss my children again. I would never be able to make love to my husband again. I would never be able to hug Steffy, my bestie again. And poor Rachel would never escape, and she would be sacrificed, like the rest of them. I loved them all so much. All I wanted was to see them one last time. I would give anything! My life, my very soul, to save them.


Suddenly, the Demon King crumbled. The love in my heart and the sacrifice I had made had defeated him. Love conquers all, as they say. The Fairy Queen came and overthrew him, and light returned to the Underworld at last. The souls that had been sacrificed at the mansion were released and went to the Other Side, where they belonged and rested in Peace. Rachel escaped, my Hubby and children were set free, and I saw them and Steffy again, but only one last time. The Fairy Queen had allowed me that, but told me I would have to return to the Underworld, which was now her Fairy Kingdom, because by sacrificing myself to defeat the Demon King, I had bound myself to her realm forever.

I agreed, and I told them all that I loved them, and that their souls would be bound to mine forever through our love, even if they resided in seperate realms. 

I woke up at that point, and I was like, "WTF!"

Then I wrote it all down here.

What a weird dream, right??? I remember with my other dream, I wanted to write a novel based on it one day. I think I will write one based on this too, but I'm not sure how to write something so strange and disturbing. I am reading House of Leaves right now, and that is a pretty weird book, but I don't know.

This kind of thing makes me believe I'm right when it comes to having hope for the human race:




Teh adorableness.

Today was a rough day. I had a job interview at a Nursing Home-very nice facility- that went very well, but then my car broke down and I ended up stuck at the corner of 306 and East Washington Street in Chagrin Falls until a tow truck came and got me and took me back to the house. Things like that have been happening a lot lately- though I thank the Goddess that my car is fine now- and I have tried to chalk it up to bad karma, but I don't know.
Anyway, when I got home I was feeling the blues. I'm not usually one who prays very often, but every week I check up on my daily Earth Sign Horoscope reading, just for kicks, and this is what it said:

The Earth Signs
Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn

Don’t delay, Earth Signs! You have to make a major life decision this week, and your choice will impact you and your lifestyle for quite a while. You usually like to take your time before you make any decisions, since you know it’s important to consider all the possible ramifications. However, if you stall or can’t make up your mind, the decision will be made for you one way or another. The issue that concerns you is too significant to let slide. You’re very patient and you take your time as you go about your daily routine. You don’t want to be rushed when you make your selection of a morning beverage. You need a few moments to decide among coffee, green tea, or fresh water. However, this week you’ll discover that your response to life’s questions comes along at a much quicker pace than you’re used to, thanks to the recent entry of active and dynamic Mars in Taurus. Your motivation level will amp up considerably and you’ll begin to move so quickly that your metabolism level will kick up a few notches and you’ll find it easier to lose weight. You may embark on a new exercise program or start a new enrichment course. You might decide to take a class in gardening or flower arranging or learn how to paint in oils or watercolors. On Thursday, as Mars trines Pluto in Capricorn and you’ll find the strength to make your own choices. Your ability to communicate with others is heightened on Friday as the Moon in insightful Scorpio trines inventive Uranus in Pisces. You need to make a speech for a neighborhood organization to which you belong, and you’ve been dreading having to stand up in front of others and talk. Now you’ll feel much more at ease and sure of yourself and your anxiety level will plummet. You’re a very poised person, and your inner faith and confidence will shine out to your audience. Your urge to live in beautiful surroundings increases on Saturday as Venus enters domestic Taurus. You may revamp your living space and start an ambitious home decorating project.

This is very in tune with what is going on in my life right now, particularly the part about major life decisions. I suddenly just wanted to be alone, so I put some jeans and mud boots on and went outside. I tried sitting n the patio, but I couldn't clear my head because my Granny had the World News Report on, and Isis the kitteh was pawing the screen door and yowling for me. In the back of the house, there is about a mile or so of woods that opens up into a pasture with horses that I like to feed apples sometimes, so I decided to go do that. At least I could be ALONE.

So I track about a mile through the woods, and since it is almost summer, the clearing in front of that pasture is starting to grow very long brambles. By now they reach my shoulders, so I always trudge through it and it is very pleasant, but it reminds me of that scene in Jurassic Park 2 where those Raptors are picking off the tourists running through similar brush.

I digress, however.

When I was done feeding the horsey, who is very personable, I was petting him a bit and talking to him, and the sun was starting to set. It was twilight. Twilight is when the veil between this world and the Other World (where the dead go, the Summerlands, the spirits, the Faerie Realm, ect.) is the thinnest. It is a very magical time that has been turned into an evil time by Patriarchal Windbags. Anyway, I was sitting there, petting the horsey, whom I call Jeffy, even though I am not acquainted with his owner and therefore do not know his real name. But I was petting Jeffy and whispering to him, and it was twilight, there were all these cottonseeds floating in the air and I was thinking about a lot of things and I just started to cry a little bit, because I felt so confused, and suddenly I heard a bit of twigs cracking behind me and I turned around.

Standing there, staring at me amidst the brush and trees, with cottonwood seeds flying around her, was a Doe. She was silhouetted against the setting sun, which looked like a glittering jewel through a shower of emeralds- all those leaves, you get my drift- and it made a calligraphy on everything, bathed in sunlight.

She didn't move when she caught me looking at her. In fact, she gazed at me with soft brown eyes and began to walk away. After she took a few steps, she looked back at me, almost beckoning. She wanted me to follow her, so I did.

There is also a tree house by said pasture, which I have climbed up before, and she was heading in that direction. As I started to climb the tree house she circled around me, watching me, and I heard a hawk screech up ahead. Lilith.

A Horse, a Hawk, and a Doe.

When I got to the top of the tree I sat in it and the Doe gazed at me, and suddenly I knew who She was. I started to cry a little bit and I told Her I was sorry. I lost my way and it was so hard to reach out to Her. I had never meant to turn my back on Her and I had never wanted to stray from my path.

She answered me, telling me I had never strayed from my path, and that all I had to do to reach out to Her was to seek Her out. She had never left me, She explained. She loved me.

Then She told me what my real name is. I won't share it with anyone. It is my true name. And the Hawk screeched over head again.

After I came back in the house I felt much better. The Doe and I had silently parted ways. I realized I had just gone through an initiation.

This is by far the most adorable Taylor Swift Video thus far! Even more so than Love Story. I am obsessed with Taylor Swift. I love her almost as much as I love Britney Spears, and that is saying something. In fact, I am going to a Concert of Taylor's in October with my favorite cousin, Rachel.

I know there are gazillions of girls who can relate to this video. Not only because Taylor's googly glasses remind me of the old glasses of a certain Former First Lady, US Senator, and current Secretary of State that I love and have wished to marry since the age of three (yes Steffy, I loved her even back then, I just wouldn't admit it to anyone. Even then I knew it would be a blow to my dignity and social status), and because the guy in that video is so hawt and could pass as Big Dawg, but because how many girls have known that their true loves are unattainable, and have had to watch as some hairy-pussy skank makes him miserable when they KNOW that they are meant for him? HOW MANY, I ask you?

But in the end, Taylor gets her man. Not only because he fully secretly loves her back, but because if it is meant to be, then you will end up with him and that is that. And when he continues to stay with his boring girlfriend whom he knows he is not meant for despite you being right in front of him (STEFANY! *talking about Matt*) then you know it is NOT meant to be and that if he were really your true love, he would have the fucking balls to do the right thing! (STEFANY!)

Besides, Taylor has possibly the most adorable overbite in the Universe. Almost as adorable as the overbite of a certain aforementioned Former First Lady, US Senator, and Current Secretary of State! I LOVE OVERBITES! they are pouty and cute and sexy, and doubtless make for fabulous kissing. (Though I don't know! I have yet to make out with anyone with an overbite, but it is at the top of my Lists of Things to Do Before I Die. Yup. Top of the List.)  But I hate under bites. Under bites are unattractive and a sure sign of silliness.

For example, Lila (Jaime Murray) from Season Two of Dexter had the most annoying under bite!




I wanted it to get ripped to shreds in a fucking rusted fence or something! Too bad her under bite didn't need to be bloodied up in a rusted fence. And you know why? Dexter was on the prowl. And after she killed an innocent, Dexter shut her and her lame-assed under bite up in a body bag and threw it in a river in Paris. Damned straight!

Is Moulin Rouge!!! It is just this amazing love story... It is a musical, which makes it fabulous. And it is also flashy, with gorgeous, in-your face cinematography . I also love the theme line, which is the best line ever, "The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn... is to Love, and be Loved in Return."

Christain is also my dream man. I am going to find Christian one day and marry him. He is the sexiest Bohemian Revolutionary in the UNIVERSE.



That is my number one favorite movie ever. Moulin Rouge. But I will list my Top Five Here:

1. Moulin Rouge

2. Pan's Labyrinth

3. Titanic

4. Seven Pounds

5. Tropic Thunder

I guess that is a vague list of my Top Five. I just know Moulin Rouge is at the top!!!

And so far, it feels no different from being eighteen.
It was on Friday, and Steffy stayed for the weekend for me. She gave me a Best Buy gift card (for a GPS) and my brothers and their girlfriends came to see me and give me prezzies.
I wanted Penis cookies and Hunan also, but my mom was too cheap.
Now I have work in a couple of hours, but I am going to dance to Britney Spears until then.
*dances*

PS: My brother's girlfriend Lindsay took pictures on Karen but I deleted them because I hated them. So I will just post a picture here from Steffy's eighteenth party.